Mr X review: Invisibility doesn’t affect Emraan Hashmi’s kissing talent

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Film: Mr X
Cast: Emraan Hashmi, Amyra Dastur, Arunoday Singh
Director: Vikram Bhatt
Rating: 1/5

It’s a known secret that the Bhatt camp doesn’t care much about reviews, because it believes that their niche audience base doesn’t care about it either. Will it remain the same after Emraan Hashmi’s Mr X? Well, it’s really very hard to say.

Mr X is no Hollow Man, and Emraan Hashmi is definitely not a patch on Kevin Bacon, and in the process whatever is left is nothing short of a clueless, bizarre tale of an invisible kisser. And to be exposed to it for 125 minutes is, in one word, torture.

Daredevil officers Raghuram Rathod (Emraan Hashmi) and Siya Verma (Amyra Dastur) are members of the ATD (Anti Terrorist Department) and forever on the hunt for… who else, terrorists. They swear by the Constitution, their ethics are unflinching, and they are the ‘humane’ faces of the police department. And, like it always happens in our films, there are some corrupt elements in the same department who are planning to overthrow the current CM.

Now, who could be the best person to carry out the assassination than one of those entrusted with the leader’s security? Of course, they haven’t heard of a term called intra-departmental intelligence, and the inevitable happens. Soon we find that the celebrated Raghuram is on the run, and is trying to escape the clutches of the corrupt ATD chief Bhardwaj (Arunoday Singh). He ends up in an accident, finds himself in a ‘pharmaceutical’ laboratory and his life changes for ever: Fiddling with the things in the lab, he drinks a concoction and realises to his dismay that he could now go invisible. But there is a rider: He will stay invisible as long as there is no blue neon or sunlight.

What will Mr X choose now? Will he go for the ethical use of his power, or, will he remain an invisible warrior against the baddies?

The film opens with Mahesh Bhatt singing ‘You can call me X’, and you start feeling like a guinea pig for an experiment to be carried on you. As expected, Mr X (the film, mind you) starts going haywire right from the beginning. So, we have two officers here who have 180 seconds to save a bus full of passengers, and what do they do with most of it? Dialoguebaazi!
Siya: Tum andar nahi jaoge?
Raghu: Main andar jaa raha hoon, kyunki tum mujhe pyaar karti ho.
Siya: Aisa mat karo (or something of this sort).
Raghu: Tum zaroor mujhe bacha logi.
Of course, there would be glares, stares, lovelorn eyes and almost everything that you can associate Emraan Hashmi with. ‘Almost’ because there is a lot to come.

The two eventually save the passengers, and get down to the mandatory love song of Hashmi kind. But, you take a jolt when right in the middle of it, Raghu asks Siya: “Tumhare papa iss hafte jail se riha hone waale hain.” She mumbles something against her father, a former encounter cop, and then goes on to mouth: Agar tum meri tasveer apne zehan me rakh sakte ho toh kya main tumhari shirt apne jism pe bhi nahi rakh sakti.”
Random! No prizes for guessing what happened after this.

Very soon, Raghu is on every TV channel for taking a shot at the CM, and before the cops could lay a hand on him, he’s captured by gun-wielding baddies, to whom he pleads his innocence: “Please mujhe jaane do. Hum ye shehar chodd ke kahin door chale jaayenge.” No Raghu, a 15-year-old Bollywood fan would come up with a better dialogue for this situation.

The best part of the film is when God is held responsible for everything. Raghu comes out alive from a refinery blast because the almighty wanted him to do ‘bigger’ things. Now take this, the logic behind his hollow man expertise: “Raghu ke kapde jal ke uske shareer me mil chuke hain. Jab usko maine ye potion diya toh kuch aisa hua jiske baad usme ye shakti aa gayi.”
The same character continues: “Jis cheez ka science ke paas jawab nahi hota hai, uska answer hota hai god.”
Come on, did you hear yourself? Basically, something inexplicable took place and now Raghu is Mr X.

He goes after a corrupt police officer Tiwari, who likes to sing a Bhojpuri song while sitting inside a Mercedes. From there onwards, Tiwari keeps speaking in a strange dialect. The police decide to hide Tiwari inside a pub where an item number takes place? Why would anybody do that? Don’t you have safe houses or police stations? We thought you guys are in police. Finally, one wicket goes down.

Everybody could hear gunshots, but nobody does anything, probably Gurmeet Choudhary’s dance was more important. However, Siya chases and catches Mr X’s collar, sniffs and realises that it’s the man she is madly in love with. Yeah, right.

But, there are still baddies at work. After some failed attempts, Mr X gets hold of the actual kingpin, but he is still far from winning the battle.

Mr X is badly written, and we don’t want to talk about acting. Emraan Hashmi appears bored, but Amyra Dastur looks improved in emotional scenes. But it is not enough to save the film. Mr X is a complete waste of time. And, before clicking on to another link, you would like to take note of this conversation. It takes place inside a bathroom.

Siya (Bathing): Mujhe pata nahi jo log invisible hote hain unko nahane ki zaroorat padti hai ki nahi.
Mr X: Nahane ka toh pata nahi lekin pyaar ki zaroor padti hai.
And, they kiss.

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