New Delhi: Detachment is the absence of the need to hold on to anyone or anything. It is the art of enjoying the moment till it lasts and when the moment starts to disappear (as everything eventually does), to let go with gratitude and love for all the moments enjoyed. It means that the fears and emotions that used to torment and paralyse us no longer have the same power over us.
Getting to this point is necessary, but for some, not that easy. However, it is the best way to maintain peace of mind. It took me a long time to silence my mind and to understand this fundamental principle of happiness – to freely flow with life, trusting that the universe has my back.
Detachment should not be confused with indifference. Indifference is lack of interest. Detachment is absolute interest but with non-clinging. To be detached from people means that you extend your love to the other person, without taking on their emotions as your own. This helps us to realise our own feelings and take responsibility for them. When we love someone or are close to someone, we most often let their problems and our reactions to their problems affect us, due to the intense love we feel for them.
Detaching helps keep the level of our compassion for them, giving our loved ones the space to feel what they need to feel, and the freedom to undergo what is part of their journey of life, simultaneously creating a happy space for ourselves. It is a way to calm our own emotions while interacting with loved ones.
When we live in love, in a trusting and self-worth space, we allow the universe to handle the details for us, whatever the result may be. That is detachment – pursuing desires, without having any attachment to any fixed outcome when things don’t meet our expectations; letting go of how we think things should be, knowing that there are a whole range of possibilities in the universe. Just state the desires and then detach from the how’s and the when’s of the desire. If it has to happen, it will all effortlessly just fall into place.
However, some people who have all the fame, power, money and status are still miserable and insecure from the inside. There is always that doubt and fear of losing that power and status, causing much unhappiness and stress. Feeling attached to anything always creates fears and insecurities. The mind has been misguided into believing that success comes from attaining a certain pre-conceived outcome; that through hard work and exhausting efforts, we will somehow succeed. But this is far from the truth – all that struggling takes one away from appreciating the present moment. There has to be a balance in life, always remembering that the real success has to do with the inner world and not the outer world.
So the next time you feel undesirable feelings coming up, stop worrying and detach. What will be, will be. This way your feelings will be liberated to more positive ones. Be free-spirited and carefree. Have fun. Play the game. Focus on what you want, expecting it to happen, but if it doesn’t, it doesn’t matter. Know that there is an infinite intelligence working side by side on its own, and it is one that will bring us a better way or a more worthwhile experience.
Observe and see the big picture. View life from the expanse of your soul rather than the limits of your mind. When you learn not to want things so badly, life comes to you.
As Ali Ibn Abi Thalib wisely said, “Detachment is not that you should own nothing, but that nothing should own you”.
Note: Kamalrukh Khan is a Mumbai-based Clinical Hypnotherapist and Wellness Coach. She’s intuitive, strong and positive and loves travelling. She believes travelling to a new country is the best education she can give her kids. Painting and flying a plane or chopper top her bucket-list.