Why good husbands get dumped

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Hyderabad: If you thought only bad husbands who were either unfaithful, abusive or generally hard to put up with are getting abandoned by their wives, here’s something that might interest you.

Clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor Randi Gunther said in her recent column that it’s no more the bad husbands that are getting abandoned by their wives. Even the good ones, those that readily take on the responsibility of attending to the kids and offer a helping hand in household chores, seem to be getting dumped too, at least in the West. Gunther is a California-based psychologist with over 40 years of practice.

Closer home, clinical psychologists opine that the stigma associated with divorce has diluted to a large extent in big cities. Says Seema Hingoranny, clinical psychologist, “Couples are no longer trying to make it work. Women are no longer monetarily dependent on men. If they don’t get the freedom they want, they don’t shy away from walking out of a marriage. There are no social stigmas associated with divorces any more”.

Pooja Bedi, famous TV personality, agrees with Seema. “Sometimes a good husband is simply not good enough for the woman,” she says. Randi Gunther says in her column about the women who are leaving their great husbands, “In short, they want to live their lives with the privileges men once had.”

Lifestyle columnist Magandeep Singh agrees. “Women are doing, what men have been doing since ages. With the kind of choices available, it’s easy access now. Society is no longer male-dominated, it is an equal society and there is no harm in women upgrading themselves to get something that they feel they deserve. The basic reason here would be lack of patience and tolerance.”

Seema too points out that patience-level between partners has dipped. “The upbringing of Indian men is such that if a woman is confident and trying to put a point forward, they see her as someone having serious issues, as they have never seen their mothers rebelling against their fathers in such a manner. There are also contributing factors like boring sex life, loss of spark… While superficially everything seems to be hunky dory, it’s not so in the bedroom.”

Psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty points out, “I don’t think women opt for a divorce for no reason. There is always a reason. People change, they could have fallen out of love, perhaps their goals and aspirations don’t match anymore…”

Stand-up comedian and actor Vir Das believes there is no definition that constitutes a perfect man. “There are certain qualities, which are suitable only for a stipulated time period. When those qualities begin to overbear the woman, she will either kill the husband or find someone else!”

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