Recently, some ‘half-baked’ survey by some matrimonial site made the claim that men prefer women to make the first move in taking a relationship to the next level.
I say ‘half-baked’ because I never really read it or bothered to research as I was told so by someone whom I consider fairly reliable and that’s good enough for me.
That’s how we men acquire and retain data — through word of mouth.
Unless we are scientists, in which case we rely on the Science group on Facebook.
But the truth of that statement came as a shock to many people.
I don’t know if more girls or boys were shocked; I am just shocked that anybody felt so strongly about this in the first place.
If anybody had read the response to the manifesto set out by the Equal Rights group, you would have realised that it was all lettered in well in advance.
We men understand your plight, dear women. We were coal miners and lumberjacks and then we also started becoming fashion designers and chefs.
All this supposed denigration couldn’t have gone down too well with you: if men would take over every job in the world, how were you dear women to retain supremacy? And so it was imagined that equal rights could be a good campaign to get behind.
Little did you realise that by lowering yourselves into the cesspool where we men thrive, you’d be exposing yourselves to a whole new set of rights and duties — the whole power-responsibility balance — stuff that even Spiderman’s uncle couldn’t have warned him about.
Call it fine print if you may, dear ladies but by demanding equality this is what you have bought into.
* Don’t expect from us; either open your own doors or else, worse, hold them open for us. Flowers are a two-way communication and you can buy them for us as much as you expected them earlier. In fact, as a side-note, we men intend to buy you PS4 game CDs which you may or may not really use.
* Toilet seats are no more a point of debate. We want it up while you need it down; and depending on who is using it can adjust, as needed.
* Bills will be split equally, unless on the occasion that you are treating us. In which case, don’t hold back; pamper us till the cows, I mean bulls, come home.
* You cannot ask dumb questions during an F1 race, or a football match; Wikipedia exists for a reason. And if you don’t root for our side, we are allowed to take you down in an unannounced fracas.
* No more ‘period’-ic whining and complaining will be tolerated. You shall contain your emotions just as we should do, like when the TV is on the blink on game night or the beer is warm.
* And as a final show of equality, we men are no longer required to graduate anything to any level. The onus of advancing whatever dysfunctional interaction that we qualify as a relationship now rests equally on you. You can go down on a knee, buy us a ring, or a jet-ski, or a lap-dance, whatever it takes. We may take time to consider where all this is going as we will now have the right to be shifty and undecided.
* Till the time we men can’t have babies, we won’t be breastfeeding them either; so don’t expect it from us.
So there you have it. If anything I am glad that fellow women have realised this and are taking an active part in making relationships progress. A relationship, after all, is like a flower, which must blossom before it rots and dies. So please don’t be alarmed about the statistics changing about who asks whom out, it’s only nature correcting itself because women weren’t happy being superior.
The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine